Humour
Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2004 2:32 pm
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
The following reasons:
I do instense physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I always plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off and many times I have to work late at night.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious and possibly fatal diseases.
My supervisor pushes me to work so hard I often have to vomit to be able to get a break, or be let off from work.
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have, raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight in fact to our recollection you have never put in a full shift, you have almost always used that I am to sick and just vomited excuse to get out of work.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations not in the standard work area..
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your work shift.
You don't always follow Standard Operating Procedure and observe
necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you
have completed the assigned task disappointing collegue(s) you are working with.
Your actions have been known to get this company in trouble with other corporations.
And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying
two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
The following reasons:
I do instense physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I always plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off and many times I have to work late at night.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious and possibly fatal diseases.
My supervisor pushes me to work so hard I often have to vomit to be able to get a break, or be let off from work.
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have, raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight in fact to our recollection you have never put in a full shift, you have almost always used that I am to sick and just vomited excuse to get out of work.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations not in the standard work area..
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your work shift.
You don't always follow Standard Operating Procedure and observe
necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you
have completed the assigned task disappointing collegue(s) you are working with.
Your actions have been known to get this company in trouble with other corporations.
And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying
two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
